Changing the world
by jammyjamfan
Summary: Jane and Maura when they were very young and their separate lives and conversations that shaped them and prepared them for adulthood. These are little snippets of how two people with such completely different backgrounds might have chosen the careers they did and that they were able to become friends at all. Reviews always welcome.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own the characters

* * *

"My darling, in order to win you must be ruthless. You know what ruthless means?"

Maura nods

"The world is a hard and dangerous place. It's not for the faint of heart. The weak get no-where and only the strong will thrive."

 _"Jane, do you understand what I'm asking of you?"_

 _"You want me to be sweet when my aunties and uncles and grandparents visit."_

 _Angela sighs, "Preferably I would like you too be sweet all the time. The world is already riddled with so many monsters, we don't need anymore."_

 _"Why are people so mean and uncaring?"_

 _"What do you mean Janie?"_

 _"The kids at school pick on me cause I don't have stuff like they do and I walk to school and my shoes have holes and I keep outgrowing all my clothes and they laugh and say I look stupid and goofy."_

 _"What kids?"_

 _"Ma!"_

 _Angela takes a breath and counts down from five calming herself_.

"So must I be selfish?"

"You must be more than that, young Maura. You must be harsh and cold and uncaring. But especially cunning."

Her little button nose scrunches in confusion.

"But daddy, that won't be fun."

"Being kind in an unkind world is not fun. You will get taken advantage of and pushed around and everything you have will be taken from you."

Maura clutches her doll a little tighter in her arms.

" _Sweetheart, people who have no real love in their life or in their heart tend to want to hurt others to make themselves feel ok. They believe that what they have is more important than who they are becoming and the message they are sending."_

 _"But they have everything...why do they wanna pick on me and Frankie?"_

 _"Because they never learned what is really important, Janie, somewhere along the way they decided that people were less important than possessions. But you're so smart my beautiful brave girl, you can teach them the right way."_

 _"How?"_

"People with less money money must be feared because they will always be looking for a way to cripple you. We have to lock it up and protect ourselves."

"With security guards?" Maura whispers

"Yes dear. The poor are jealous and think we don't deserve what we have, they want us to sink to their level of wealth or they wish to take what we have."

"But we would be ok even if we loose a little bit. Right dad?"

"Wrong. For them, a little is never enough."

"But...what if they...really really needed it?"

"They don't deserve it Maura. They don't earn it, they are lazy and horrible people that don't care about you."

"Are they all like that?"

"Yes."

" _You can teach them by showing them the right way. By loving them even when they hurt you. Because we both know the bullies are just people hurting on the inside. And they are afraid."_

 _Jane bites her lower lip in thought._

 _"Give if you can too. Share with those in need because stuff is just stuff and can always be replaced, but people can't be replaced. Be gentle and be kind with your words because they do more harm than guns and knives. Bring joy into the world with your joy and laughter. And hug everyone because hugs make people happy."_

 _"Arg...I hate hugs Ma." Jane whines_

 _Angela chuckles softly and cups Jane's cheek._

" _Show kindness, because without it the world would be a lost cause with everyone fighting for everything and everyone in it being sad, lost and lonely."_

"But some of them are nice to me. They can't all be horrible."

"Some people out there will pretend to be nice to trick you. And there is the occasional naive good person that thinks they don't need money too. Charity workers and the like. But they aren't 'our people'. We stick to our own Maura."

Maura frowns in concentration as her ten year old brain races to understand.

"There has to be another way." She starts softly, "A way that money doesn't matter so much. That people can be friends without living in fear. Without jealously. Without deception."

"There isn't Maura, this has always been a problem for people like us."

 _Jane smiles a bright and freeing smile_

 _"I will Ma, even if I'm the only one in the whole world who does."_

 _"That's my girl."_

"Well, Maybe I can find a way. A way for things to be different. Better. Where the value of everything doesn't come with a price tag. Where the world isn't so dangerous and we can have more fun." Maura pauses to take a deep confident breath ignoring the fact that Arthur Isles had walked out of the room, "I want to try, even if I fail...I want to try!"

* * *

thanks for reading

will leave the title as it is...thank you for your comments so far.

:)


	2. Chapter 2

Because you asked for more. Not sure this is as good as the last chapter or as deep...but it was fun anyway. Hope you enjoy. feedback would be good :)

* * *

ENCORE

* * *

"Mother, I don't have many friends. Do you think that is bad?" Fourteen year old Maura asks softly

Constance looks at her puzzled, "You have many many friends Maura. All the girls in your etiquette class think you are just perfect and those young boys at the country club that just adore you."

"Ewww."

"Use your words Maura."

"Gross."

"It won't feel unsatisfactory to you in a few years. But you shouldn't turn your back on them. Being pursued is a wonderful feeling."

Maura clears her throat and continues appreciative to have her mothers full attention, "The girls make fun of me. So do the boys. I just want one person to like me for...for me."

"Maura darling, being _liked_ isn't really that important. Neither is having friends. And if people whisper about you it's because they are stupid and jealous."

"I guess I'm just a bit lonely."

"Yes well...that is the way things are unfortunately. You can't have everything you want. But you will get close. Now run along and play...mother has things to do."

* * *

Fourteen year old Jane drags her tired heavy feet down the hall to her room. She is tired. She spent most of the afternoon at the library studying and then worked at her part-time job. She is beginning to think this is the pattern she will consider normal the rest of her life. She knew from when she was five that she was different to the other kids on the block that sometimes got pocket money for no reason. It was confirmed when she six and her Pop used duct tape to hold her shoe together so it would last another few weeks. When she was seven she didn't get the present she hoped for but a cheap replica knockoff, but she smiled with gratitude at her parents who had done their best and she wasn't surprised that fell apart after a few weeks. She wasn't sad when she was eight and had to miss the school camp because her family couldn't afford the fees. And she missed summer camp when she was nine for the same reason. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I know it's heard baby. Maybe next year." Jane smiled sweetly at her mother and finished drying the dishes. "You know you would have won best and sweetest camper." Angela gives her a quick squeeze, an apology of sorts. She is right that year but her teachers the following year would have disagreed as Jane started to misbehave in class because she was being secretly bullied. And by the time she is eleven she has mastered the art of reading between the lines. 'Next year' really means 'not now', 'In a while' really means 'an unknown date in the future' and 'I know you really want that honey' means 'you can't have it but I love you too much to just say no'. She never lacked what she needed but everything else was a maybe.

She drops her knapsack in the middle of the floor and throws her tired body on her bed. Tomorrow is Sunday and she hoped to play some early morning baseball but maybe she will just sleep in instead. But then again Tommy will probably be awake and wanting to play with his big sister at 7am. She rolls onto her back and with the last of her energy kicks her shoes off her feet.

Angela comes in half an hour to tell her supper is ready and covers her with a blanket instead. Sits down on the bed beside her child and softly strokes her face. "You deserve so much Janie, I just wish I could give you everything you desired." Her voice is laced with guilt and there is a single unshed tear in the corner of her eye.

* * *

"Sir?"

"Yes Maura?"

"Do you think we could do something together?"

"Like what?" Arthur Isles queries his daughter with a frown

"Well, I need to buy a book for school. So we could go do that. Or just...just...hang out."

"Can't you have Julian take you, that's what we pay him for."

"I, um, I just thought it might be nice to spend some time together. Just us." She bows her head and tries to study the shine on her new shoes. She is dreading the response and wants to dull the pain she already knows is coming.

"We are spending time together now aren't we."

"Right." Maura sighs sadly.

"Right. Now off you go and do your study's Maura. I have work to do."

* * *

Jane slept through Tommy's morning antics and woke in time for a late breakfast.

"Morning Ma."

"Morning Angel."

"I missed baseball."

"I know."

"Thanks for letting me sleep in and not letting Tommy play in my room this morning."

"Trying to keep him away from you was harder than taming a lion." Angela jokes a weak smile on her face as she watches Jane scoff down 6 pancakes in a row.

"Should I be worried about you Janie. That you're working too hard."

"I'm fine Ma."

"I want you to do whatever makes you happy Janie. There will always other jobs and studying and family time. There will also always be times when there's not enough money to do everything we want."

Jane smiles in understanding. "I know Ma."

"Everything is a choice and every choice has a consequence."

"Helping people makes me happy Ma."

"How does your job help people sweetie? I would have thought being a waitress would give you more satisfaction than stacking shelves."

"It helps you." Jane says so softly under her breath its barely a whisper

Angela looks up at her with a frown hearing only a whisper but not quite catching the words, "What sweetie?'

"People um...need the food to be on the shelves for them. And it helps my boss too."

"If your job makes your life fuller and happier then you do it for as long as you want."

"How'd you know having kids would make you happy Ma?"

"I didn't know until I had you baby, then I didn't want to do anything else." She pulls a squirming Jane into a hug.

"Plus all my friends with careers were so jealous I got to stay home all day and cuddle cute babies that smell so delicious."

Jane scrunches up her nose in a smile.

* * *

"I have a big test today mother." Maura says with excitement in her voice as she skips to the breakfast table early on monday morning.

"Yes I know dear. You have to do well or what will people think." Constance had responded without looking up from the paper and without a hint of emotion in her voice.

Maura stops mid skip ands like a statue staring at her mother as if they were strangers. Her nose flared slightly as a silent battle raged through the child's mind. She wondered. _How could she think I don't always do my best, and how could I do more than my best. This test was for a class that wasn't even part of this years curriculum but something I begged the headmaster to take. No one tells me to study, or to stay up late before a test. Not even what time is bedtime or what I should be doing. I organize myself, my schedule, homework and transport on my own everyday and have done since I was was seven. They give me no input...except things like this. Is that whats important... other people's opinions...more important than her graduating at all and my future career._

Seconds had passed and her mind had captured a few dozen of the thousand thoughts.

She eventually sat down but her appetite was gone and her mother didn't even look up to see why she wasn't eating. She had always been the sort of child that never wondered what might happen if she failed a test, the possibility of that occurring had been inconceivable up untill this precise moment...but now there was that seed of doubt...a consequence for failure, a consequence she hadn't put on herself. Suddenly her parents approval of her rested on a single test they wouldn't know she was even taking if she hadn't told them, but it wouldn't rest with just this test. No. From today, every test was of invaluable importance and carried an invisible weight greater than her tiny shoulders could bear. She even wondered if her doing so well in her previous tests was why her parents bothered to take her out and show her off in public at benefits. Suddenly her successes wasn't her own but part of a bigger picture.

She let out a heavy sigh as she tried to clear her mind and relax and just focus on the test. But the anxiety would not let go its hold of its fresh new victim. She had a BIG test today, one that would effect her future in a big way.

* * *

"Ma! School is hard. I mean I'm passing but it's soooo hard." Jane whined for the third time that week.

Angela looks up from feeding Tommy some mashed potato, "Maybe you should quit your part time job sweetie."

Priorities had been a rather hot topic recently but the consequence of not doing well in grades had always been not having free time on the weekends and Jane had already deprived herself of 'such childish things.' So Angela had allowed Jane the freedom to balance her priorities like an adult would, like the adult she was becoming. Besides, she was too busy with Tommy to micro-manage her daughter anymore.

"Nuh...it's helping isn't it? The extra money I mean?" Jane asks pushing the hair tickling her face to the back of her head with her fingers.

"Janie, it helps of course, but we survived before you got a job, and when you father didn't have work, and when the car broke down. We have always survived and will continue too regardless, sweetie."

"That was before Frankie became accident prone." Jane snickers softly, "That boy is expensive."

Angela laughs out loud, something she doesn't do that often anymore since the family has recently been under so much financial pressure.

"You were all expensive. But totally worth it" She says forcing Jane into a side hug and kissing the crown of her head.

* * *

Maura spends the next two days stressing over what her grade will be on that test. She feels too sick to eat or sleep. She has to force food down and even resorts to sneaking a few filter coffees from the kitchen just to stay awake, something she has never done before. She has a hint of understanding now as to why students might take pills to help them cope.

When her teacher finally places her graded paper on her desk beside her, she sighs with relief. An A. No plus or minus, just a simple safe A. It was perfect and the relief was instantaneous. A few minutes later the bell rang and she walked out the school entrance feeling lighter than air and climbed into the back of the black car that picks her up everyday.

"Hi Julian."

"Good afternoon Ms. Maura. Am I taking you home?"

"Yes please," Maura replies laying her head back against the soft leather seat and letting the movement of the car rock her too sleep. She was so tired however, she could have slept anywhere.

* * *

Jane sits at the bus stop and watches the people pass in front of her. It's become her favorite pastime between the end of school and bussing to work as it uses no brain power and relaxes her. She just sits and observes the world around her, the activities big and small, the hustle and bustle, the lady with curly hair and glasses that nervously checks her handbag every few minutes, the boy with greasy long hair that taps his fingers on a guitar case to an invisible beat, the older man who holds his grand-daughters hand as they wander around the park over the road talking joyfully.

Sometimes she wonders about those peoples lives. Where they come form and where they are going. Wonders how they live and what they do for fun, if they like sports or not. She wonders how many of them live in a family like hers. How many work to survive and still barely make ends meet. She wonders if any of them wonder the same thing of the people they pass on the street. She wonders if they wonder about the girl with dark hair, baggy jeans and dirty sneakers that sits slumped on the bus bench waiting to catch the same bus every single day.

She has learnt by watching, she has taught herself how to really see. Yesterday she saw a young boy give an older lady a flicker of a smile as the passed, and that then woman carried that smile onto the bus and shared it with all the passengers. Five that climbed off the bus took that same smile with them to wherever they were going. 'How far can one smile go' she had wondered, 'And what else travels just as well and costs nothing to give.'

What Jane does observe, partially based on passing sentences she overhears, is that everyone has problems of their own. Some problems sounded smaller than others but to that person they seemed as huge as some larger problems were to others. Problems like her own appeared to afflict everyone in some way. She heard mothers pushing prams and talking about age milestones and if they are being met on time in voices that were full of fear and concern. Teenagers, some older than her, talking about their love interests and heartbreaks and the pressures they were under from it. Right through to older men in suits on cellphones trying to resolve issues at their business or women that were afraid their family was falling apart. Many fears were linked to bills or health.

Jane had a myriad of her own problems, finding time to study, do her chores, get to work on time, that some of her friends are mad she doesn't play with the team anymore, and mostly how she will afford to replace the science book she managed to loose. But she has been learning that her problems aren't as bad as they sometimes feel. And that she must be gentle with people because they all have their own problems going on and sometimes that's all one can see. Her mind drifts to a few days earlier in the mall, she had literally bumped into a blonde girl probably a year older than her as she had skidded around the corner into the book and games isle. _The girl had frowned at her while she apologized for the incident and for not looking where she was going. 'I'm sorry, really I am.'_

 _The girl had looked straight at Jane a sudden twinkle in her eye and a tiny smile forming in the corners of her mouth, 'What are you shopping for?' She had asked in the most polite tone Jane had ever heard and Jane felt compelled to answer. 'I...um...I...I'm not shopping, my Ma is, there, with my siblings. I'm just tagging along' Jane pointed towards the dark haired woman pushing a trolley with the help of a young boy. In the cart was a toddler and an assortment of bulk food items and clothing. "Thought I might read a magazine while I waited."_

 _'Oh.' The girl had said, her expression suddenly quite sad, 'you are very...lucky.'_

 _'Lucky?' Jane frowned_

 _'To be shopping with your family.'_

 _This caused Jane to scoff, 'You're kidding, right? I'd rather be anywhere but here.' Shopping was a weekly chore Jane avoided if she could help it. She didn't enjoy Tommy's tantrums and her ma sending her off to different ends of the shop to fetch things._

 _The blonde girls eyes fixed on Jane's and her stare was intense. She simply whispers 'You don't know how lucky you are, I'd do anything to go shopping with my Mother.'_

 _Jane resists the urge to roll her eyes and tell the girl she has no idea what she is on about. But then she wonders if maybe this girl doesn't even have a mother._

 _'Who are you here with?' Jane asks after a pause while crossing her arms inquisitively. And that's when the girl looks sad and possibly a little worried. Though she is young, Jane has had many years to learn to read body language and instantly knows this girl is completely alone._

 _'I'm sorry. Its ok. Are you ok?' Jane offers_

 _The girl nods and looks down, 'I needed a book for school and no-one could bring me.'_

 _No more words need said to clarify because Jane understands by the quiver in the girls voice that she really means that no-one 'would' take her._

 _'I guess I should go,' she says looking up at Jane, 'I...er...have a good day.'_

 _'Yeah.' Jane responds as she watches the girl walk towards the checkout on her own clutching a book in her arms like its a lifesaver._

Jane wonders about that girl, what it would be like to be alone so much, fending for yourself without the right support. It's something she had wished for a few times thinking life would be easier that way, now she isn't so sure. You never really know how other people live or what's going on in their lives. Then Jane remembers the hope in the girls eyes when she had asked Jane what she was shopping for and the sadness that followed.

'She was alone and hoped I was too' Jane says aloud to herself her voice heavy with sadness. Months of observations had created pathways in her brain that helped her make connections most people around her missed. 'She wanted a friend.' Had they met under different circumstances maybe they would have been friends, then again, it didn't escape Jane's attention that the girl was well groomed with pierced ears, and an outfit that Jane would never find where she shopped, the shoes alone looked like they were made to fit. And to top it off the girl had carried a little silver purse over her shoulder. The girls in Jane's neighborhood kept everything in their pockets, purses were fancy things only mums and aunties had.

'I think I'd have been her friend. No-one should be alone' Jane whispers to herself silently grateful she has company that truly loves and cares about her when she needs it. Even if sometimes she doesn't want it. 'I've never been lonely' she realizes as the bus pulls up in front of her to take her across town.

* * *

"Mother I got an A in my test. Advanced english." Maura says standing in the doorway of her Mothers office holding the paper victoriously. Usually it wouldn't be a big deal but this small test had meant so much more than usual.

Constance barely looks up from the papers on her desk, "That's good Maura."

Maura twists her hands together in front of her "It was a test for kids two years older than me. And that A will help me with getting into a really great university."

Constance replies with a soft hmmm and scribbles something on the paper on her desk.

Maura is well on her way to graduating at least a year early if not more. Her hard work and dedication has impressed all her teachers. Her mother would know that if she went to any of the parent teacher meetings.

Constance finishes her notes before looking up, "Maura, your father is having company tonight so please go upstairs and get changed for dinner."

Maura stands still for a moment wondering if her Mother heard her news...understood her. "I..." Her hands drop to her sides but decides it's not worth pushing the matter, so she turns on her heels and heads for the staircase pausing momentarily as Constance calls after her, "Wear that green dress that I like and please put your hair up."

There is no point in trying to explain, her mother has her point of view and that's all that matters to her mother.

* * *

"There's a smart boy at school that lives nearby, Joey, he said if you cook him dinner he would come over and tutor me to help get my grades up."

"That's a wonderful idea Janie, I will make something delicious."

"I think that he heard you make amazing food from Giovani." Jane laughs as she remembers Giovani animatedly waving his arms around the school cafeteria as he describes how delicious the meal he ate at the Rizzoli's Sunday dinner was. Half the Italian kids had eyed her up jealously.

"Food is a good way to bring people together."

"So are the Red Sox, Ma."

"When are you going to learn to make my famous Ravioli?"

"One day Ma...I promise. Maybe when I'm not working so hard. Between school and work and helping Pa when he needs it I don't even have time for baseball anymore."

"You will have to make the time for baseball Janie. Don't neglect your friends and doing what you love."

"Maybe I should give up school to make time?" Jane wiggles her eyebrows sassing her mum and grins cheekily.

Angela gives her daughter a 'hell no' look and playfully nudges her arm, "Maybe you give up your part-time job and go back to being the kid you are!" Angela retorts gently.

"Maybe." Jane offers but secretly knows that her relatively small contribution has eased her mums stress considerably, "Or maybe Frankie Jr. should stop breaking body parts so we don't have to pay so many medical bills." She half yells so her brother can hear her.

They both laugh heartily until they hear Frankie grunt from his laid up position on the couch where he can't move with a broken leg in plaster, then their laugh is quieter so he can't hear them.

* * *

Maura smiles her fake yet expected smile which never reaches her eyes. Her fathers company are all cigar smoking men that talk business over dinner. The youngest of the group keeps looking over at Maura in a way that makes her want to throw up. He is at least 25 years older than her and stares constantly at her chest. Constance pretends not to notice and her father really doesn't notice. Her mother chose this particular dress because it makes Maura look 10 years older and shows off what Constance calls her 'assets' saying she was blessed to be so well endowed at such a young age and how good it will be for her, and the hair up in a soft bun draws the attention to the low neckline. But she would personally prefer to avoid the extra unwanted attention. She knows her mother knows this. It seems to a game of chess and she is merely a pawn. Unfortunately she is not permitted to say anything to the man. She wishes that for once she was surrounded by kids her own age and allowed to dress in whatever she likes. Or just a family dinner with her parents, but they only ever eat together...the three of them...when they have other company. She wishes she could wipe the fake smile off her face and just tell her mother and father about her day over ice-cream. To laugh and relax and really feel hear.

She was being groomed to take over the family business, she had been from a young age. Deep down it was the last thing she wanted to do but she also knew she was a very lucky girl to have everything handed to her the way she was, how many people wouldn't kill to have her future. Whether she wanted it or not she didn't have a say, she didn't have a voice. It wasn't that she wasn't grateful...she just wished that someone, one-time in her life, ever, asked her what she wanted.

For a moment both her parents are distracted and she gives the male staring at her like an object the darkest look she possibly can. She can feel the energy she directs at him within her entire body and she sees the moment he feels it. She watches as his eyes grow wider as he looks from her chest to her face and he swallows before turning away from her back to the conversation at hand. Her smile returns and this time it's almost real.

* * *

"Ma. My grades are so good I think I might get into BCU!" Jane skips through the front door after Frankie.

"That's wonderful." Angela turns from feeding Tommy and gives Jane a huge smile.

"Thanks for letting Joey eat here so much."

"Almost ate us out of house and home. I was it a bit strange he wanted to help you study every single night?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, does he eat at home?"

Jane scratches her head for a moment "I suppose so."

"You know hun, if any of your friends aren't eating so well at home you can just bring them over here."

"Sure Ma. Do you think Pop will be happy with my grades."

"Why wouldn't he be."

Jane wishes her Father would see that she could help him, but he had already told her once that being a plumber was mans work. He accepted her help but always talked about how one of the boys would grow up to take over. It pained her to watch him struggle not just to work on his own but to try to organize his schedule and send out invoices and all the other stuff that came with running a business, if only he could see how much she could help him. Her pop had seen it once but that was years ago. Angela had told her the story so many times she could imagine it as if it was a memory. She was two and had wandered the whole house with his big heavy wrench pretending to fix every pipe she could reach and when Frank had arrived home later to find his only child wearing nothing but a diaper and carrying the tool she could barely wrap her hands around, his eyes had sparkled with tears and he had scooped her into her arms and hugged her tight while telling his wife that his daughter would be the best plumber in town. That was before her brothers came along and her pop had decided the kitchen was where women belonged. She had tried time and time again to prove herself but failed each time. So her part time job was working at the local supermarket but she refused the checkout job because she didn't like the title checkout chick. She wanted to earn her fathers respect and this was how she saw it could happen.

"Yeah. You know I'm keeping my job tho right?"

"I know. But don't forget to have some fun in there too."

"I won't forget. Pop is taking us to the Red Sox's game this weekend and we are gonna eat all the bad stuff." She says jumping around the kitchen barely containing her excitement and getting a laugh from Tommy who is wearing most of the food on his face.

"I should hope not." Angela laughs heartily.

When Jane sits at the table to do her homework Angela leans across the table, "Janie, I want to tell you something ok. If you put a career first then that is what you will have, if you put family first then that is what you'll have...but please think about what you have to sacrifice to get what you want and if that sacrifice is worth it. If you put money first then what are you being forced to put last." She pauses and they study each other for a moment. Angela knows her daughter well, she isn't the best at balancing the things in her life and gives one thing 150% at a time. She is smart and wonderful and loyal, but mostly she is dedicated. "You have to prioritize and balance to have a life that is filled with good things. When you get to the end of your life and you look back on everything you will have accomplished and every memory you have gathered and hold dear to your heart, A mother's only hope is that their child will be happy and won't have any regrets."

* * *

Maura sits in the garden speaking her thoughts to the only friend in her life, Bass, her companion baby tortoise. The driver was away, the maid and the cook ware busy and the gardener didn't speak enough english and she doesn't speak enough Spanish yet. So she talks to Bass who never responds but so far this has worked just fine.

"One day I will have to run my families company. I will have to get married because it is expected of me. To a man that won't love me, won't be my friend, and I will do it because it's the proper thing to do. And I will have children, Bass, and they will have a nanny and I will live in a big house with a housekeeper. I might have a career for fun, but I will have to act superior to everyone. People will want to be my friend because I will have inherited wealth or because they are a mutual acquaintance or because I am something they want to be."

She looks at Bass and wishes she didn't feel so lonely, that she had a friend large enough to put their arms around her and who would tell her that it'll all be just fine.

"If people wanted to be my friend today would I think the same thing. That they had an agenda. Maybe I have to pretend to be normal, average. Can I pretend that. I can't say it because it would be a lie and I can't lie. Does it matter if I have friends that use me, at least there will be people in my life. Will it fill the emptiness inside me?"

She hugs her knees to her chest. "If I do things the way it's expected of me I think I might be lonely forever. Like Mother is. Do you think so Bass? Do you think I can find a real friend out there."

She stares into the distance waiting for a reply.

"How does one determine what's really important in life. For now my parents decide...but one day I will have to decide."

* * *

"If my family is safe and happy I won't regret a thing." Jane says with a half chewed bunny pancake in her mouth.

"I feel the same way about you Janie. I want you to be happy and safe."

Jane smiles, mostly on the inside, she knows her mother means it more than she can imagine.

"I think most families want that for each other. Just sometimes people get selfish and stuff and hurt each other instead. And sometimes other people are the problem and hurt people that don't deserve it and maybe one day I will help those people...those families that are hurting."

"Your heart is bigger than your stomach Janie." Angela laughs and Jane rolls her eyes.

"Money isn't everything..right Ma?" Jane knows the answer but she can't accept it. The responsibility for her family weighs on her and maybe if she really believed money didn't matter she could just relax and enjoy life...but she knows money matters even though it isn't everything...it still affects so many lives.

"You being happy matters." Angela tells her

 _'_ _You being happy matters.'_ Jane thinks to herself

* * *

Maura looks at Bass who is almost too large to sit on the palm of her hand now, "Bass, I think I will have to do things a little different than is expected if I really want to be happy. It might make my parents a bit sad but I think I would die if I had to do everything I'm expected to do. I think I want to be free of expectation. No more fake smiles and pretending. I have to be real and honest. Speak for myself."

Maura looks off into the distance wishing she could tell her parents how she really felt and what really bothered her.

"Maybe one day I can speak for others like me. Speak for those that can't speak for themselves or don't know how. Maybe if I could help some people they might even want to be my friend."

She smiles at her resolve, that when she is old enough she will be herself, obviously saying the right things and dressing right are important. But not as important as being happy. Life is too short. And life is to be lived with honesty and love.


End file.
